Captive on the carousel of time

This morning before Chad left for work we found ourselves talking about a big life change.

Kindergarten!!

We talked about the long commute to school and the concerns we have with dealing with different teachers, principals, and other students. We even sat Jackson down and included him in on the discussion. Chad made the comment that our lives were about to change in a big way. I agreed. He then asked me which change I felt would impact me the most. As tears filled my eyes (I'm emotional - it happens a lot) I said that it was going to be hardest to not have him here with me. I'm really not ready to entrust his care to someone else for the majority of the day. Being that he is the first of my children to leave the nest that really scares me. (I'm emotional and a bit of a control freak.)

I know there are many mothers who are seasoned in sending their kids to school and might look at me and think, "rookie" , but for me, right now, I'm terrified. I fear that the first day of school is going to be really rough. Who am I kidding? The first few weeks of school. Maybe it won't be that bad, but I bawl just listening to "The Circle Game" by Joni Mitchell and he hasn't even started yet. (I made the mistake of listening to that this morning. Thought it'd make me feel better. Wrongo!!)

Chad and I have had Jackson almost solely under our wing for the last 5 years.

I sure hope the new wing he'll be under is attached to someone who is smart, kind, understanding, loving, helpful, sincere, honest, and will allow him to be him. I know all of my standards are not going to be met and I know I have to let go a little. I know that. I do. I also know that he is going to love school. He is so excited to have a room full of new friends. He's excited to learn and get a backpack and take his lunch everyday. And I'm excited too. But starting Kindergarten is a definite divide between babyhood and kidhood (I also like to make up words). Jackson's babyhood went by way too fast. Everyone told me it would. I feel like I tried to savor it, but it still flew by. Don't even get me started on Caroline. I mean, didn't we just bring her home and now she's practically driving. Anyway, I know, like the song says, "We're captive on the carousel of time. We can't return we can only look behind from where we came and go 'round and 'round and 'round in the circle game." So true, Joni, so true. Sometimes, though, I just don't feel ready.

Now is one of those times.

This picture is only loosely related to the post. I just feel like I need a picture with every post if I want people to actually be interested in reading it. If you read the whole thing, many thanks to you!